( aaaand, immediately after screaming at natsuno for all of 0.5 seconds, she's popping into rita's with much the same energy and the exact same train of thought. )
— she killed me, Rita. She might have made the other Natsuno actually do it, but she stood and watched and smiled the whole fucking time —
( the sudden need to take a short, sharp inhale is the only thing that cuts off this not completely sensible tirade. clarke's chest currently feels like there's a compression band wrapped around her lungs, a winch continually turning to make it more and more painful to breathe. it's been a while since she'd died, and she'd forgotten how much it sucked to revive. )
[With the already-increasing suspicion and concerns surrounding their apparent doubles as the imposters make themselves more and more known, Clarke had the nerve to suddenly vanish for a couple days.
And so, upon seeing her name pop up on the HUD of her earpiece, Rita's already screaming back as she picks up-]
Where the hell have you been, you idiot?! Wait, did you say--
[What was that about killing and Natsuno and who?]
Okay, hang on--calm down and explain properly! What the hell happened?!
( who in the history of humanity has ever actually calmed down just because they've been told to? alright, there might be some outliers, but certainly never clarke "no chill, never calm" griffin! she barely hears whatever rita initially volleys back at her through the ear piece, same as she barely feels the hot, fat tears that have begun to escape the corners of her eyes.
but she certainly registers what the hell happened? as that's the current question of the day, and none of it has entirely sunk in for clarke. maybe voicing it aloud would help. )
The other me! She happened! Or — I don't know, I don't know. ( something of this argument screams deep seated self loathing probably, but neither of them are therapists so it doesn't have to be examined. the long and short of it is clarke stalked her doppelganger for a full day, immediately suspicious the other was going to do something horrible. and while it might not have been her hands or teeth in the end, something in the quietly pleased way her own face had stared at her during those final moments felt... orchestrated.
worse version, better version — doesn't matter, in the end she knows herself. recruiting the other natsuno to carry it out had been practical, but also a deeply personal extra fuck you. clarke takes as deep a breath as she can manage and tries again. )
I spent all of that first day chasing after my double, I lost her for thirty minutes, and then I found Natsuno next to one of the new builds and he bit me. And our Natsuno? He would never —
[Wow what do you mean, Rita is great at calming others down in a crisis, obviously!!
Okay, maybe not, but she is registering that something has gone horribly, terribly wrong--an outcome she's been expecting since their arrival but still feels no less chilling. They should meet up in person, she thinks, even as Clarke starts haltingly, then more evenly. Rita listens without screaming over her this time, until Natsuno comes up, and-]
That imposter! [Immediate, vehement, furious. Full agreement: their Natsuno would never, not unless there was something wrong with them (like his efforts to reverse her brainwashing in the Village--but there's nothing like that here). Anyway--importantly: the fake Natsuno brainwashed Clarke, and killed her. Rita's hands clench so tightly nails bite into her palms.] That--bastard. Where are you?
( in normal times, clarke is very, very aware of the last time both of them had to deal with the after effects of natsuno's shiki powers. she still bears the burn scars, though they're well healed over and no longer hurt, but still stand out as vaguely purple shiny patches on her left arm and right calf. they're part of the reason she defaults to long sleeve shirts and full length pants, so no one ever asks questions about the burn marks or the intricate blood sigil she'd poked into herself with a mixture of pen ink and her own blood (the tattoos are ominously missing, but as of yet unnoticed). she still vividly remembers the entire fallout of that debacle, the halloween party had been one of the last times she'd truly ever felt alone despite being surrounded by a throng of people. and the reveal at the end... oh, the revelations...
but she is arguably not in her normal state of mind right now. she is sore and dirty and can still feel the phantom pain of where those fangs had broken through her skin and the pulse of foreign liquid, the venom. rita validates clarke's full body rage with her own indignation but that's still not enough to get her to stop shaking. and — where is she? )
I'm walking. I'm going back to the apartments to get the blood off me, and then I'm going to find them.
[Rita's too furious to let the full implications sink in (things like death isn't permanent become too normal after two years), because all her attention, emotional bleed from her own double be damned, is on one thing: that jerk--those jerks are going to pay for what they've done to Clarke.]
You mean we. Like hell you're marching out there by yourself! Besides--don't tell me you're in any condition right now to think calmly!
[Despite Rita's earlier yelling to calm down, yeah, she is switching to this now that she has some understanding of what's going on. Clarke's double has been a creep since the start, Natsuno's fake a dangerous, slimy jerk, and yet they let it be for too long--Rita though it'd be a mistake to kill them, surely some kind of trap, but now-
( all consuming righteous fury comes to an abrupt, near screeching halt. clarke actually stops in the middle of her angry stomping down the street and presses her back to the nearest storefront. )
Not we, Rita. I'd never ask you to —
( kill someone you love, forms on the back of her tongue and is subsequently swallowed. strangled in the back of her throat. what clarke had experienced just a few days ago is arguably horrendous, being murdered by a version of her best friend while her other self watched. but that pales in comparison to asking one of her actual friends to... )
You get what I mean, right? When I say find them.
( i'm going to kill him, and despite long since promising their actual natsuno she'd do her best to put him down if he ever went rogue, clarke doesn't think rita should have to suffer that visual too. )
To what? Just let you go it alone like it's none of my business?! After they killed you?!
[In stark contrast to Clarke, Rita's own righteous fury just keeps on burning. How dare they, how dare they-
It is tempered slightly when the other girl asks her for clarification on her understanding. Obviously, Rita knows it's never going to be something so naive as talk to them and reach an understanding.]
It means putting an end to this. To them, in other words. What, do you think I'm expecting to throw them a tea party at this point?
( they've come a long way, these two girls. but something that always sits at the back of clarke's mind are the fraught conversations they'd had in the truth telling rain and nestled in the booth of gil's diner. there'd been a reason, after they'd pieced together that jinx played a part in natsuno's explosive exit in october, that clarke hadn't asked rita to accompany their hunt, despite knowing she had the firepower. some part of her thinks the other girl might not be able to stomach the same unnerving things she'd seen, that she'd done — and also feels that diaphragm deep desire to prevent her from ever having to.
both sentiments have clarke seeking to put down pretty firm roadblocks here and now, especially when the newest enemies they're facing are just different versions of themselves.
and, why not try shock value? )
You won't be able to touch your own double. Would you really want to stand on the sidelines and watch me kill someone who looks exactly like you? That's not a mental image that ever goes away, Rita...
[It's true that despite everything, she has yet to actively kill anyone herself--monsters, plenty, but not people. Not even people who were no more than ghosts wearing her friends' faces.
But that's why, in this moment, the shock value isn't about to to reduce Rita's bullheadedness in the least.]
You think I haven't seen plenty already, after everything we've been through? Don't forget I was killed by some jerk piloting your body!
[Speaking of shock value and reminders!!]
Besides--telling me it's a mental image that doesn't go away--then what about you?! That means you're dealing with killing them too, you know!
aka that's very effective "turnabout is fair play" in terms of shock value right there, well played. clarke's stomach seizes and does a particularly painful flip-flop; what the ghost in her body had done that first halloween was always a blank, story pieced together by the evidence left over on her body upon revival and the horrible tableau of pictures in photos at sea the days after. clarke has to buckle back an initial gasp, but manages to slot her grief over that particular holiday onto a back burner — still too furious at the current situation to linger.
clipped, slowly, and deliberately emotionless she argues back with rita: )
...I can live with it. If it means keeping the rest of you safe, I'll handle it. I've done worse...
[She can tell she hit a sore spot, but with the way this is likely to go, she won't have the bandwidth to feel all that bad about bringing it up--not when she'll be too busy being angry at Clarke for going off and doing this alone.
But that's later: right now, she's still intent on not letting that happen. Clarke clamps down on emotions, and Rita does the opposite, all stubborn anger and righteous fury as she immedatiately snaps back into the earpiece.]
Idiot! Is that supposed to be reassuring?! What, you expect us to just--think you can kill them and feel nothing? Get real! Besides--I don't need you suffering on my behalf. I don't want that!
--I'm coming with you whether you agree or not, so just deal with it!
I didn't say I wouldn't feel anything, I just — ( she's so frustrated by the situation as a whole, and rita's lack of cooperation just rubs salt into the wounds. hindsight will prove 50/50, even in the moment proper she knows the other girl is yelling at her because she cares, but god damn, that just makes everything harder. clarke scrubs a hand over her face and lets her dirty palm press against her mouth to muffle an aggrieve uuuugh! because she doesn't have the energy to fight the fight on two fronts. ) Can you just — acquiesce on my behalf this one time? Please? You know what'd actually make me suffer? Watching you watch a Natsuno die, and seeing him watch a you. I'm not going to make you two...
( but she cuts off abruptly with a sharp inhale. a whirl, a rustle of clothing, and the sudden, distinct vibe she's — teetering on the edge between fear and relief — talking to someone other than rita. )
[Clarke's plea doesn't fall on deaf ears, exactly, but Rita's metaphorical feet remain firmly planted. Her first thought is how it's no better for Clarke to have to kill the fake Natsuno, considering what close friends they are, but before she can even start to argue this point back (again), there's some faint noise a change in Clarke's tone.]
Octavia Isn't that- [Still fuming from their arguing, Rita's voice initially comes out as an angry snap, but belatedly she stops short as she recalls that chaotic day she spent in Clarke's memory, and the weird girl who stripped down and jumped in the monster-infested river for fun. There's something she could say about this development, but-]
Hang on. She's not actually here, is she? Don't try to go changing the subject on me! We're not done yet!
( oh, but at the end of the day, they are done here. at least in this exact moment, because clarke is completely distracted by the physical manifestation of yet another friend in front of her.
and while she doesn't disconnect the call with rita entirely, she doesn't respond either. the other girl is treated to a brief few seconds of muffled conversation, then the crackling reverb of a sharp intake of breath. there's the zing of a blade slashing through air and subsequent scuffle of someone aggressively backtracking, and lastly the abortive scream of one clarke griffin, yet again facing what feels like impending death. )
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
voice | un: griffin (backdated, early doppelganger event)
— she killed me, Rita. She might have made the other Natsuno actually do it, but she stood and watched and smiled the whole fucking time —
( the sudden need to take a short, sharp inhale is the only thing that cuts off this not completely sensible tirade. clarke's chest currently feels like there's a compression band wrapped around her lungs, a winch continually turning to make it more and more painful to breathe. it's been a while since she'd died, and she'd forgotten how much it sucked to revive. )
no subject
And so, upon seeing her name pop up on the HUD of her earpiece, Rita's already screaming back as she picks up-]
Where the hell have you been, you idiot?! Wait, did you say--
[What was that about killing and Natsuno and who?]
Okay, hang on--calm down and explain properly! What the hell happened?!
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but she certainly registers what the hell happened? as that's the current question of the day, and none of it has entirely sunk in for clarke. maybe voicing it aloud would help. )
The other me! She happened! Or — I don't know, I don't know. ( something of this argument screams deep seated self loathing probably, but neither of them are therapists so it doesn't have to be examined. the long and short of it is clarke stalked her doppelganger for a full day, immediately suspicious the other was going to do something horrible. and while it might not have been her hands or teeth in the end, something in the quietly pleased way her own face had stared at her during those final moments felt... orchestrated.
worse version, better version — doesn't matter, in the end she knows herself. recruiting the other natsuno to carry it out had been practical, but also a deeply personal extra fuck you. clarke takes as deep a breath as she can manage and tries again. )
I spent all of that first day chasing after my double, I lost her for thirty minutes, and then I found Natsuno next to one of the new builds and he bit me. And our Natsuno? He would never —
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Okay, maybe not, but she is registering that something has gone horribly, terribly wrong--an outcome she's been expecting since their arrival but still feels no less chilling. They should meet up in person, she thinks, even as Clarke starts haltingly, then more evenly. Rita listens without screaming over her this time, until Natsuno comes up, and-]
That imposter! [Immediate, vehement, furious. Full agreement: their Natsuno would never, not unless there was something wrong with them (like his efforts to reverse her brainwashing in the Village--but there's nothing like that here). Anyway--importantly: the fake Natsuno brainwashed Clarke, and killed her. Rita's hands clench so tightly nails bite into her palms.] That--bastard. Where are you?
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but she is arguably not in her normal state of mind right now. she is sore and dirty and can still feel the phantom pain of where those fangs had broken through her skin and the pulse of foreign liquid, the venom. rita validates clarke's full body rage with her own indignation but that's still not enough to get her to stop shaking. and — where is she? )
I'm walking. I'm going back to the apartments to get the blood off me, and then I'm going to find them.
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You mean we. Like hell you're marching out there by yourself! Besides--don't tell me you're in any condition right now to think calmly!
[Despite Rita's earlier yelling to calm down, yeah, she is switching to this now that she has some understanding of what's going on. Clarke's double has been a creep since the start, Natsuno's fake a dangerous, slimy jerk, and yet they let it be for too long--Rita though it'd be a mistake to kill them, surely some kind of trap, but now-
Now it's on.]
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Not we, Rita. I'd never ask you to —
( kill someone you love, forms on the back of her tongue and is subsequently swallowed. strangled in the back of her throat. what clarke had experienced just a few days ago is arguably horrendous, being murdered by a version of her best friend while her other self watched. but that pales in comparison to asking one of her actual friends to... )
You get what I mean, right? When I say find them.
( i'm going to kill him, and despite long since promising their actual natsuno she'd do her best to put him down if he ever went rogue, clarke doesn't think rita should have to suffer that visual too. )
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[In stark contrast to Clarke, Rita's own righteous fury just keeps on burning. How dare they, how dare they-
It is tempered slightly when the other girl asks her for clarification on her understanding. Obviously, Rita knows it's never going to be something so naive as talk to them and reach an understanding.]
It means putting an end to this. To them, in other words. What, do you think I'm expecting to throw them a tea party at this point?
no subject
both sentiments have clarke seeking to put down pretty firm roadblocks here and now, especially when the newest enemies they're facing are just different versions of themselves.
and, why not try shock value? )
You won't be able to touch your own double. Would you really want to stand on the sidelines and watch me kill someone who looks exactly like you? That's not a mental image that ever goes away, Rita...
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But that's why, in this moment, the shock value isn't about to to reduce Rita's bullheadedness in the least.]
You think I haven't seen plenty already, after everything we've been through? Don't forget I was killed by some jerk piloting your body!
[Speaking of shock value and reminders!!]
Besides--telling me it's a mental image that doesn't go away--then what about you?! That means you're dealing with killing them too, you know!
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aka that's very effective "turnabout is fair play" in terms of shock value right there, well played. clarke's stomach seizes and does a particularly painful flip-flop; what the ghost in her body had done that first halloween was always a blank, story pieced together by the evidence left over on her body upon revival and the horrible tableau of pictures in photos at sea the days after. clarke has to buckle back an initial gasp, but manages to slot her grief over that particular holiday onto a back burner — still too furious at the current situation to linger.
clipped, slowly, and deliberately emotionless she argues back with rita: )
...I can live with it. If it means keeping the rest of you safe, I'll handle it. I've done worse...
no subject
But that's later: right now, she's still intent on not letting that happen. Clarke clamps down on emotions, and Rita does the opposite, all stubborn anger and righteous fury as she immedatiately snaps back into the earpiece.]
Idiot! Is that supposed to be reassuring?! What, you expect us to just--think you can kill them and feel nothing? Get real! Besides--I don't need you suffering on my behalf. I don't want that!
--I'm coming with you whether you agree or not, so just deal with it!
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( but she cuts off abruptly with a sharp inhale. a whirl, a rustle of clothing, and the sudden, distinct vibe she's — teetering on the edge between fear and relief — talking to someone other than rita. )
Oh — Octavia. I was just about to call you.
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Octavia Isn't that- [Still fuming from their arguing, Rita's voice initially comes out as an angry snap, but belatedly she stops short as she recalls that chaotic day she spent in Clarke's memory, and the weird girl who stripped down and jumped in the monster-infested river for fun. There's something she could say about this development, but-]
Hang on. She's not actually here, is she? Don't try to go changing the subject on me! We're not done yet!
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and while she doesn't disconnect the call with rita entirely, she doesn't respond either. the other girl is treated to a brief few seconds of muffled conversation, then the crackling reverb of a sharp intake of breath. there's the zing of a blade slashing through air and subsequent scuffle of someone aggressively backtracking, and lastly the abortive scream of one clarke griffin, yet again facing what feels like impending death. )
What are you doing?!
( then the line goes dead. )